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27 Apr

Today is Very Boring

Today is Very Boring


John Westlake


John Westlake (Profanisaurus) is a poet from Crawley, West Sussex in South East England. Born on 11th April 1984, Mr Westlake is a prolific writer with close to 350 poems to his credit. He is blessed with a remarkable sense of humour, but as Westlake himself admits quite candidly, in real life, it has landed him in trouble on many occasions. Written in December 2014, “Today Is Very Boring” is a random poem about a supposedly boring day.  The events that occur are implausible but it would be amusing if it could ever come true.


Today seems to be very boring

nothing much is going on

despite the fact that my sea urchin shells

have adopted a shark for their son


My fridge has become pregnant with the washing machine

while picking poppies with its ears

it wants to give birth to an egg cup

despite my suitcase's jeers


The doctor came round this morning

to check on the eyes of my shelf

the chiller jumped up and ate him too

and sneezed out a bank for wealth


My socks have spent all the money

on jellyfish and rainbow wine

the police were called to arrest it

and charged a micro penny fine


The wine had been drunks by my t shirts

battling my shoes for a laugh

my trousers asked my hair for a loan

as they want to beat up a giraffe


My towels have formed an alliance

with my hoodies and my boxes

together they killed my mirror

who were hunting banister foxes


My pillows have run off to join the library

and the Austrian navy

they stole three stairs of whiskey

and left my toe nails the gravy


Yes today is very boring

the butter has just killed my bread

my vodka bottle has refilled itself

and I'm going back to bed.

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